I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
