Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
