no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
