**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
