Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
