My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
