She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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