I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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