I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
