Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
