you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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