My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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