Sry I called you an 8
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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