I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
there is glitter all over my balls
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