hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
