At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
