Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
