I accidentally burped into my bong.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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