She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
