Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
