no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
