THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
