Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
