just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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