So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
