her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
