i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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