dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
