i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
