just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
