no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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