Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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