Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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