shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
