What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
