she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
