He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
