so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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