i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
