i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
