Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
