I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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