She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
