I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
