Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
