just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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