Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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