I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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