He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
