allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
